Shame: Part 3

Common Shamed Thought Processes


Fear of Abandonment

Because the shamed person believes that there is basically something wrong with them they expect others to believe the same thing. They don’t expect friends to stick around and wonder why people even want to spend time with them.


Chameleon Effect

The shamed person tries to become the people they hang out with thinking this will secure the friendship. This keeps people from actually getting to know them which increases shame.


Self Neglect

Because shame revolves around worth, the shamed person often believes they don’t deserve to be taken care of. They often take care of everyone else’s needs and neglect their own. This can go a step further and become self abuse. The shamed person may look for ways to damage their reputation or maybe they even physically hurt themselves. Whenever the shame person starts to experience success they subconsciously find a way to self-sabotage. They are often more comfortable with failure than they are success.


Compulsive Behaviors

Addiction and shame often go hand in hand. The tormented shamed person is always looking for relief from all of the pain they feel. The addiction keeps them trapped in the toxic shame cycle because each time they act out in their addiction they will think that all the worthless things they think about themselves are confirmed.