Expectations. We all have them. The question is are we aware that we have them? When working with premarital couples we often discover expectations that each person has that they had never communicated or even knew they had in the first place.
Family and friends who aren’t aware of this dynamic will most likely contribute to the shame. They may remind the person of the negative choice they made, try to punish them, or belittle them. This only pushes the person more into their addiction.
Often when we are functioning out of our implicit memories our actions don’t make sense to those around us. Once we are aware of our implicit memories and the ways they might impact our decisions we are able to remain more in control of our actions. Sharing these tendencies with those we are in close relationships with can also be helpful. When those who are closest to us know why we act the way we do compassion and endurance form intheserelationships.
This episode presents a confusing issue that most families experience at some point. When Kate and Randall stop by their childhood home, they remember a time they were both home with their dad. As they unpack the memory, they realize that they remember the situation differently…
When we know we are loved and cared for by someone who is delivering a “wound” we can trust that they did so for a good reason. We have actually become our loved ones enemy when we placate them with flattery.