Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental condition characterized by an inflated ego, a deep need for attention and a lack of empathy for others. When you’re dating someone with NPD, it can be challenging to identify the signs in the beginning stages of the relationship. Over time, however, they can be more evident, such as seeking praise while continually criticizing or belittling you.
Continue reading to learn the signs of a narcissistic partner and what to do if you’re dating someone with NPD.
7 Signs of a Narcissistic Partner
Being in a relationship with someone with NPD can be emotionally taxing, but the sooner you spot the symptoms, the sooner you can get the help you need. So, is your partner a narcissist? Here are some warning signs:
1. They Were Charming in the Beginning
People with narcissism are usually charming and charismatic when you first meet them. For instance, your partner may have constantly complimented you or told you they loved you within the first few weeks of dating. Or maybe they emphasized your compatibility, even upon the first meeting.
Narcissists typically foster superficial connections to reinforce ideas about themselves. They see their partners as extensions of themselves and then lose interest when the novelty of a new relationship wears off.
2. They Constantly Seek Attention and Praise
While narcissists may seem self-confident, behind the veil of self-assurance lies low self-esteem affected by even the slightest criticism. For this reason, your partner may constantly ask for praise and attention and fish for it if you do not give it to them. Any time their egos are slighted, it increases their need for compliments. Essentially, people with NPD use other people to satisfy their self-worth and feel powerful.
3. They Exaggerate Their Achievements
People with NPD often exaggerate their achievements due to an inflated sense of self-importance. They feel better and smarter than everyone else and want to create an appearance of being self-assured. At the same time, they want to gain adoration from others by constantly sharing their accomplishments — real or not.
For this reason, your partner may only talk about themselves while avoiding engaging in any conversation about you. They may avoid asking follow-up questions to learn more about you, instead steering the topic toward themselves.
4. They Criticize and Belittle You
Your partner might be a narcissist if they constantly critique and belittle you. They may put you down behind your back or to your face, commenting on your appearance and everything you do. People with NPD are generally highly critical of others, especially those they perceive as lesser than them.
Your partner might also lack empathy, as people with NPD have trouble understanding the feelings and perspectives of others. They lack the skill to make you feel accepted or understood, which is why many relationships of people with NPD eventually collapse.
5. They Isolate You From Loved Ones
If you feel like you’re losing touch with people in your life, it might be time to pause and reassess. Narcissists tend to isolate their partners from their friends and families through a slow, methodical process. For example, your partner might make it a point to discuss why they don’t like one of your friends or resort to name-calling. They may make you question why you ever spent time with that friend in the first place.
6. They’re Always Trying to Control You
If you have a narcissistic partner, you might note several instances where they’ve used manipulation, guilt or conditional love to control you. For example, they may make subtle threats throughout the relationship, giving you a sense that something bad will happen if you don’t do what they want. Your partner might also tell lies about your behavior and try to change reality so it fits their version of events rather than what happened. As a result, you might start second-guessing yourself and feel caught up in a never-ending cycle.
7. They Lash Out When You Try to Leave Them
People with NPD are especially vulnerable to shame and humiliation. They will avoid apologizing or taking responsibility for their actions, as they feel everything is always the other person’s fault. If you ever try to leave the relationship, they may lash out, claiming you wronged them.
What to Do if You’re Dating Someone With NPD
If your partner displays narcissistic behaviors, there are a few things you can do to overcome a toxic cycle:
- Try conflict resolution techniques: Arguments often give people with NPD more control, as they can manipulate or gaslight you into apologizing for something that you haven’t done. Conflict resolution techniques can help you avoid arguments, such as avoiding ‘right or wrong’ conversations, staying calm and using ‘we’ language instead of pointing fingers or placing blame.
- Get an outside perspective: Identifying a manipulative or controlling relationship without an outside perspective can be challenging. Because narcissistic partners tend to gaslight, going to a trusted friend or family member may help you identify the reality of the situation. They may be able to offer perspective on your circumstances and help you recognize warning signs.
- Maintain a solid support system: Build relationships with people outside your relationship and maintain them. A support system is critical, helping you establish a strong foundation for walking away if needed.
- Set boundaries: Narcissistic partners typically have trouble with boundaries. To create boundaries and distance yourself from narcissistic behaviors, practice self-love and saying no, be assertive about your needs and enforce them consistently.
- Attend professional couples counseling: A mental health professional can help you recognize the signs of narcissism in relationships and mitigate the effects of your partner’s behavior. They can also help you set boundaries and recover. You might seek professional support in couples counseling or individual therapy sessions.
If the relationship becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it’s recommended to distance yourself from your partner. Prioritize your needs, and if their behavior or actions impact your well-being, know when to move forward and heal.
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Find Compassionate Support at Taylor Counseling Group
Spotting narcissism in relationships and setting boundaries can be challenging without outside help. Find support in couples counseling or individual therapy at Taylor Counseling Group. Our experienced team can help you develop the skills and strategies to overcome manipulative relationships and protect your well-being.
We offer several locations across Texas. Make an appointment with us for in-person or telehealth services today.
