Once you’ve determined you struggle with codependency and have learned about the patterns it’s time to work towards healing. There is hope. Please do not settle for being codependent forever. There are things you can do to change these patterns and live a healthy life.
Determine the mode of your codependency– pay attention to your own thoughts, emotions, and actions.
- Save the world – you must be all things to all people and you think you have what it takes.
- Unable to save the world – you desperately want to fix all the wrong in the world but you think you will never be able to make a positive influence.
Detach from your surroundings – because you are easily manipulated and also manipulate others, it is worth taking some time to detach from your everyday to think through things and answer some hard questions. Expect conflict whenever you start to detach; this disrupts the normal cycle you are a part of.
Ask questions like:
- Why did he/she say/do that?
- What did he/she mean to say/do?
- How did I feel about it?
- Am I letting his/her actions control me?
- Why do I feel _________?
- Am I rescuing?
Start making independent choices – this will take time, but the more you can focus on your own thoughts and emotions the easier it will become. Try to do things because you want to, not because you have to while you figure it out. Take time to think before you respond to people who ask for your help.
Live by these words:
- I am not responsible for his/her happiness
- I am not responsible for fixing his/her problem
- It is good for him/her to be responsible for themselves
- I have the choice to say “yes” or “no”
- I can make my own decisions