Raising a child who grows into a responsible, self-confident adult starts with teaching them how to hold themselves accountable for their words and actions. Accountability helps your child develop their own values and learn how to uphold those ethics, even when no one else is watching.
Teaching your children accountability is crucial for their development, relationships and self-esteem.
Is Your Child Old Enough to Learn Accountability?
While all children benefit from consistent parenting as they age, how much your child is capable of retaining and understanding depends on their stage of cognitive development:
- 2 to 7 years: Children in this age range are in their pre-operational stage, which is driven by egocentrism. They can’t yet understand that other people have different experiences and thoughts than they do — every situation around them connects back to the idea of themselves. While your child can start modeling behavior related to accountability, they may not understand why being accountable is important or what consequences could occur if they are not.
- 7 to 11 years: Ages 7 to 11 are the concrete operational stages — this is when your child develops the logical know-how to solve problems. As their neurons grow more quickly, so do their inductive reasoning skills. They can form more sophisticated thought processes. This is the ideal age to dig into how to hold children accountable, as they can use their new logical abilities to make sense of the why and how of it.
- 12 and older: Children 12 and older are in the formal operational stage, where they use logic to understand theories, form hypotheses and comprehend more abstract ideas like love. They should have a good grasp of accountability by this stage and can expand on that to develop their sense of right and wrong.
How to Teach Children Accountability
Help develop accountability for young children with these tips:
1. Create a Set of Household Rules and Responsibilities
A child can’t begin to grasp accountability without having their own set of responsibilities, no matter how small. In fact, starting small is ideal, as it gives your child the instant gratification and understanding that comes from completing a single task.
Begin by developing a set of household rules, like respecting each other’s privacy or not using mean words with each other. Instead of just creating a list of “don’ts,” follow those up with a list of “dos.” If your child can’t leave their dirty dishes on the coffee table, where should they leave them instead? This gives them the tools they need to fulfill their part of the responsibility and teaches problem-solving.
If your child is young, assign them a few small to-dos so they can begin forming those connections. For example, if they ask to play with their blocks, ensure they know they have to clean them up when finished. If they want to take a favorite toy to the park, inform them about the risk of losing or breaking it, and let them decide based on that information.
You can also encourage accountability by creating a daily routine you expect your child to follow. For example:
- Wake up
- Brush teeth
- Get dressed
- Eat breakfast
- Watch cartoons
If they forget a step or oversleep, they’ll naturally learn the consequences, like not having time left for morning cartoons.
2. Be Consistent and Follow Through
Part of teaching accountability is encouraging independence. After all, adults don’t rely on others to remind them when tasks must be completed. Instill this value early by being consistent. This means enforcing consequences and not stepping in to take over when things get difficult. For example, if your child agrees to pick up their blocks after playing and hasn’t, resist the urge to pick them up yourself.
This is also a great time to teach that accountability has positive consequences, too. If your child finishes their homework on time, they get a special treat — now they know that holding themselves accountable can help them get things they want.
Praise is crucial for instilling pride and a sense of accomplishment in your child. It reinforces all the hard work they’ve put into becoming more responsible and accountable. When they do something well, like follow through with an assigned chore, celebrate the victory!
3. Use Clear Language to Set Expectations
Children in the early stages of cognitive development rely on clear, actionable instructions to understand concepts. Make sure the rules are easy to comprehend, and ask your child to repeat things back to you in their own words to gauge their understanding.
4. Model the Behavior You Want to Encourage
Children learn by watching and imitating, especially when they’re young. You can model accountability by:
- Explaining your responsibilities: Your child probably isn’t familiar with the number of responsibilities you have in a day. Take some time to explain the different tasks you handle, like cooking dinner or keeping the laundry clean. Once they know you have your own set of obligations, they can watch and learn as you complete those tasks in front of them.
- Acknowledging your feelings: Not all tasks are fun or immediately rewarding, and your child needs to learn that it’s OK to have negative feelings about them. If you’re tired or frustrated at the thought of completing a chore, talk to your child about how you feel. Let them know it’s normal, but the important part is following through anyway.
- Making amends when needed: Model personal accountability by taking ownership of your mistakes and acknowledging when you might accidentally hurt someone else. Your child can learn a lot just by seeing you apologize.
5. Shift the Perspective on Making Mistakes
Mistakes happen! Don’t let them derail your child’s growth and progress. Explain that, even when they fall short of holding themselves accountable, it’s an opportunity to try again next time. Make it clear that some things are beyond their control, and they shouldn’t hold themselves accountable for what they cannot change. This is especially crucial in the early years when their thinking is more egocentric.
6. Encourage Socialization With Peers
Studies have demonstrated that adolescents make many developmental strides while interacting with peers their age. Give them plenty of opportunities to meet and play with other kids so they can foster the skills you’ve been teaching them. Spending time with others also exposes kids to different experiences and perspectives, building their sense of empathy.
Empower Your Family With Counseling from Taylor Counseling Group
Your child might struggle to learn accountability and other key skills if their home life is unstable. A professional family counselor like those at Taylor Counseling Group can guide you and your child through life’s transitions, empowering you with the knowledge you need to model responsible behavior. We’ll work with you to identify challenges and develop a plan for conquering them.
Schedule a session online today to get started!
