Are you ready to have a serious relationship? Do you want to stop wasting your time dating for months or years, just for it to end? Get off the dating roller coaster. Start by looking back over your past relationship and decide what you liked and did not like. Formulate that list of wants for your future relationship. Most importantly learn from your past mistakes.
Once you meet someone, you need to ask yourself a few questions. Do they treat me better than I treat myself? Are they interesting? Do we have common values? Do I want to see that person’s face in the morning?
If you answer yes to the majority of these questions, please set up a 30/60/90 date rule.
What Is the 30/60/90 Dating Rule?
The idea behind the 30/60/90 dating rule is to be able to talk over ‘red flags’ in a calm respectful way. This means you cannot become defensive when you hear something you do not like and they cannot get defensive when they hear something they do not like. The key is “Calm and Respectful”. If you both cannot handle opening up about flaws in a caring manner then the relationship will not grow.
So, set a date 30 days after the both of you believe this relationship is going to become exclusive. At the 30 day mark, have a nice dinner. Talk over the issues – calming and respectfully. If this conversation goes well, set another date 30 days out. This is your 60-day date. Again talk about the old issues; did you get better; did they get better. Talk about new issues that might have popped up – Calmly and Respectfully. If this conversation goes well, set another date for 30 days out. This will be your 90-day date. During this date you talk over the previous issues plus any new issues then talk about if you want the relationship to move forward. If you both in agreement, then you have achieved a solid foundation of communication that will get you thru most of what the world throws at you. If not, then you know with your whole heart that you tried and it was not a good fit.
These dates are to help establish good communication skills that are key to having a healthy relationship. Remember to be Calm and Respectful during your interactions.
What Is the 90-Day Rule for Dating and Why Does It Matter?
The 90-day dating rule suggests waiting 90 days after you start dating someone to have sex with them. Both men and women can follow the 90-day dating rule as it’s intended to help develop close and long-lasting relationships.
The 90-day dating rule can also help you gain insight into yourself and your needs as well as those of the person you’re dating. The benefits of following this rule are:
- Feel more in control: One goal of this rule is to help you feel more in control of your own body and decisions. This sets you up to build a strong partnership because you will have more authority from the get-go.
- Gain power in the relationship: While it’s healthy to say no to sex when you’re not ready, withholding sex as a way to control your partner can set the stage for an unhealthy relationship. Using the 30/60/90 day rule for dating to enact personal boundaries and gain a sense of personal power in a healthy way can prove beneficial down the road.
- Feel more comfortable when you have sex: Having sex before you are ready can create a shaky foundation for any relationship. Abiding by this rule gives you the time to assess whether you want to have sex with your partner and feel comfortable once you do — if you decide that’s what you want!
- Help you determine if a relationship is right for you: Following this rule can help shed light on your partner’s view of you and relationships in general. If your partner is willing to wait to have sex, it says something about their character and how they will treat you in a long-term relationship.
What Is the 90-Day Rule After a Breakup?
The 90-day no-contact rule after a breakup means just that — no contact for 90 days. Giving yourself at least three months to process a breakup without reaching out to your ex can help you grow, heal and think about yourself and your needs.
Having the space to grieve and process the relationship can also give you the perspective you need to make healthy, empowering and self-affirming decisions in the future. You may conclude the relationship was never meant to last. Conversely, you may decide the relationship is worth fighting for.
Most of all, you may learn to appreciate yourself and your needs. With this newfound awareness comes an increase in personal power, the wisdom to know what makes you happy and the strength to assert what you’d like in a future relationship.
Let Taylor Counseling Group Help You Strengthen Your Relationship
Taylor Counseling Group offers couples counseling services to help you and your partner overcome challenges and enjoy a successful, fulfilling relationship.
Individual counseling — whether from the comfort of your own home or at one of our locations — may also help you talk through issues, trauma or confusion in a safe and supportive environment. Understanding and healing can breathe new life into your partnership.
Book an appointment online and discover more about how we can help you strengthen your relationships today.