Is Your Source Reputable?

A question I often ask my clients when they share a negative thought about themselves is “where did this thought come from?” followed by, “Is that persona reputable source?”. So often we believe that we are the ones telling ourselves how irresponsible, foolish, unqualified, unlovable, worthless, dishonest, or (insert your word here) we are. The truth is, this accusation has usually originated from somewhere else. Maybe it comes from an overbearing parent, an overdemanding coach, an emotionally abusive boss, or a bully from schooldays. Once we hear these things from others long enough, they start to become our own thoughts as well, and then we never get a break from being torn down. 

The good news is, more often than not, we find that the source is not reputable. 

Does your perfectionistic parent get to decide if your house is clean enough or not?

Does your acquaintance with different values, beliefs, and morals get to tell you if you’re raising your children correctly? 

Does your verbally abusive spouse get to tell you if you’re a good spouse in return? 

Is the troll on the internet the one you want telling you if you are in shape or not? 

No. Of course not. 

You get to decide whose opinion you listen to. We all need healthy feedback in our lives. If we went rouge and decided to make decisions completely on or own it probably wouldn’t end well. But we get to decide who influences us. 

Next time you start to feed yourself negative thoughts stop and consider:

•  Where did this thought come from?

• Is that person/source reputable?

STOP - How to Pump the Breaks:

Ever feel like you go from 0 to 100 in no time flat? This can happen in an instant as anxiety, anger, and impulsivity take the wheel. We strive for emotional regulation and control, but sometimes it gets away from us. Feel like you need to STOP? Here's a technique that can help you pump the breaks. 

S - STOP, literally. A mind and body action of cessation. 

T - Take a deep breath and Take a step back. 

O - Observe the situation, the environment, and yourself. What are your thoughts and feelings?

P - Proceed mindfully. Let your next steps, actions, and words be purposeful.

Q Community Issues

This week I am presenting to you more issues that those in the LGBTQ+ community are confronted with routinely. I'd like to continue with microaggressions directed towards those in the Q community. All too many times micro-assaults are swept under the rug and never addressed. These include explicit homophobic derogation characterized primarily by a verbal or nonverbal attack meant to hurt the intended victim. This is usually through the use of name- calling, avoidant behavior or purposeful discriminatory actions. Microinsults is another in which unconscious and unintentional like subtle glares of disgust or shock is displayed when those in the Q community show public displays of affection.

When statements that exclude, negate or nullify LGBTQ+ experiences like a heterosexual adamantly denying they are homophobic after a person in the Q community confronts them about a bias statement is verbalized this screams micro-invalidation. Other blatant actions that are often displayed include various phobias. When fear, hatred and disgust towards people who have feelings of love and sexual attraction for members of the same gender or are not aligned with their gender identity presents this is the time to do some self assessing.

Ask yourself why does this fear, hatred or disgust present. Predjudice based on personal belief that LGBTQ+ are immoral, sick, sinful or inferior to heterosexuals marks a person as homophobic, biphobic and/ or transphobic. Ask yourself, do you apply to any of these phobias? These are problematic issues that persist and could be eliminated with all human beings learning and developing an understanding about other cultures outside of one's own.

Podcast EP.03: Finding Your Emotions with Jessica Callahan

Jessica Callahan is one of the most sought after therapists in Dallas. She is skilled in many modalities including EMDR and specializes in trauma. In this episode Jessica inspires us to the best we can by exploring our emotions on a deeper level. To learn more about Jessica and her practice you can list her website: https://www.empowered-counseling.com/jessica-callahan

Website: https://taylorcounselinggroup.com
Email: info@taylorcounselinggroup.com
Twitter: @TCG_Dallas

Counseling Resources: https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/resources-1

Music: bensound.com

Disclaimer: No professional counseling advice is being offered to the audience. If you experience a life threatening emergency you should call 911 immediately or proceed to the nearest emergency room. The view's expressed by guest do not reflect those of Taylor Counseling Group.

4 Tips for Surviving a Breakup

It’s all about Perspective

It’s all about perspective. Imagine yourself sitting at the Cowboys’ game on the 50-yard line, while an acquaintance is sitting behind the goal post. After that game winning field goal, you throw your arms up in excitement! However, your friend is already posting about what a good game that was but with a disappointing ending; “#Howcouldhemissthat?!”

While sporting the same jersey and attending the same game, you are experiencing pure excitement and your friend is utterly disappointed. Are you recalling a similar experience? Differences in our perception can lead to conflict amongst others but also internal turmoil. If you find that you are struggling to recall the last time you felt happy, proud, attractive, etc., consider how your perspective is contributing to those feelings. 

Perhaps, those referees can offer a third perspective to settle the differences between you and your friend’s hashtag. Much like a referee, a counselor offers non-judgemental input to help you settle those differences between everyday challenges and your perspective. If this is something that has been difficult, you may consider connecting with a counselor.

Babies and Boundaries

Whether you are a free range parent or a helicopter parent, you are setting the stage for a lifetime from the very beginning. As mentioned in a previous post about sleep, babies may not communicate well verbally, but they and their bodies do understand consistency. Teaching these little ones to both have and respect boundaries starts there: consistency! Through starting young, you are setting up your child and your parenting for success, as they grow older, more inquisitive, more independent and begin to push those buttons.

Here are a few things to try out consistently:

• Redirect from an undesirable activity and explain

  • “No touch. The oven is hot.” “That cabinet is not yours, but this is one you can play in.”

•  Offer visual choices when old enough to reach/grab, point, communicate yes/no

  • “Would you like blueberries or raspberries?” “Should we brush your teeth or hair first?”

• Stick to your routine as often as possible

  • Even though your baby may not think they are done playing for the night, gently remind them it is bedtime, and they do need to lay in bed.

• Explain when you can. Even if they are not using words, you’d be surprised what an older infant/toddler understands!

“We are going to daycare now.” “It’s time to sit in your high chair for lunch.”

Five Elements Of An Apology

Many times we feel that we have fully apologized to another person about how we have offended or wronged them. But the offended person may want to hear more than just the two words “I’m sorry.” They may have heard that apology several times from the same person and been betrayed or disappointed again by the same actions or words. So the simple “I’m sorry” can seem empty and meaningless. Use these five elements of a sincere apology and then put these elements into action to win a person’s trust back.

• Expressing Regret

“I am sorry for……” Say what you’re sorry for specifically. Saying the words describing the offense you are apologizing for shows the listener that you have heard and understood what you did that was hurtful to him or her.

• Accepting Responsibility

“I was wrong to ……..” Explain what offensive or hurtful action or speech you are accepting as your bad. This lets the listener know that you are not only asking for forgiveness with an apology, but you are naming what you did and that you admit it was offensive to her or him. This admission says that I am truly sorry for what I did or said not simply because I was called out on it.

• Making Restitution

“What can I do to help you start trusting me again?”This tells the listener that you are not only willing to admit that you committed an offense but that you want to try to right the situation in some way and prove to them that you want their trust back. This also allows the one offended to have a say in what would make your relationship right again.

• Genuinely Promising Change

“I am committed to doing everything I can to never do this again.” Tell the listener that you not only want to say you’re sorry for the offense, but you want to make sure that the offense never happens again. Tell them what you will do to stop yourself from committing the same offense.

• Requesting Forgiveness

“Will you please forgive me?”At this point asking for forgiveness from the one you offended or hurt marks the apology as genuine. Because you are sorry for what you did, admitted what you did, offered to make good on the hurt relationship and trust, and promised change in your behavior in the future, the listener is more likely to genuinely forgive you because of your genuine apology.

People Pleasers – Are you one of those?

We are allpeople-pleasers in some way or another. And that is just fine for the most part. Wanting to be approved of—and loved—is as natural as needingfood and shelter.

Butwhen you try to please everyonethat it becomes a problem.

You might bethe go-to personfor your extended family, co-workers or social circle.  

Are you:

       The guy who will always change their plans at a moment’s notice.

       The girl who will always take on more work and stay late.

The one who will always say yes.

The person who never says no!

If this is you, keep reading:

Why Trying to Please Everyone Doesn’t Work

• You attract people less.

• You love yourself less.

• You are seen as untrustworthy.

• You end up with less confidence.

• You become more resentful.

• You fail to please the one person that matters.

The most important reason to stop trying to please everyone has nothing to do with everyone and everything to do with just one person—you.  The more people a pleaser tries to please, the less time they have for their own pursuits, which can leave themfeeling bitter.

Learning to be the real you, to stand up for yourself, to say no, is the only cure.

Make a promise to yourself to start today!

For Self-Examination EP.01

http://podcast.taylorcounselinggroup.com

Welcome to For Self-Examination, the podcast that is all about you! Start your week off right with a little Monday morning inspiration. Each month we will explore a different real life topic and seek advice from professionals. The show is about the hard stuff in life that we face everyday and how to find the courage to over come them.

Learn about me, Dr. Christopher Taylor, professional counseling and Taylor Counseling Group.

Website: https://taylorcounselinggroup.com
Email: info@taylorcounselinggroup.com
Twitter: @TCG_Dallas

Counseling Resources: https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/resources-1

Music: bensound.com

Disclaimer: No professional counseling advice is being offered to the audience. If you experience a life threatening emergency you should call 911 immediately or proceed to the nearest emergency room. The view's expressed by guest do not reflect those of Taylor Counseling Group.