When you’re young and in a new relationship, arguments with your partner can feel overwhelming. You’re not alone, all couples disagree. However, the frequency and intensity of these arguments can differ, with some couples fighting only every few months and others fighting as often as weekly. While minor conflicts are normal in any relationship, you must handle them appropriately.
To improve your relationship and mental health, you need methods to resolve disagreements healthily — enter conflict resolution.
What Is Conflict Resolution?
When two or more people disagree, conflict resolution helps them find common ground and discover a solution that works for everyone involved.
Healthy conflict resolution requires an open mind, as you may need to compromise with the other person. Sometimes, people in relationships can’t resolve their arguments independently and need professional assistance to find a middle ground.
Why Is Conflict Resolution in Relationships Important?
Any relationship can suffer from conflict, but romantic relationships tend to be more emotionally charged. If you’re arguing with a co-worker or a distant friend, trying to resolve the conflict might not be a pressing issue. In a romantic relationship, however, things are a bit different. You may see your partner every day or even live with them, so having unresolved conflict hanging over you could lead to stress and other mental health issues.
If you are in a relationship, you may also plan a future with your partner, and if you want to spend your life with someone, you probably want to see eye-to-eye with them.
While conflict resolution doesn’t mean that you and your partner will agree on everything, it will give you some helpful tools to navigate difficult situations and conversations. Implementing some of these methods can help you:
- Handle disagreements with respect.
- Understand your partner’s perspective and help them understand yours.
- Keep arguments from escalating.
5 Conflict Resolution Strategies
The next time you and your partner argue, try implementing some of the following conflict resolution skills to resolve the disagreement.
1. Prioritize Respectful Communication
One of the most important things to remember in any conversation is to be respectful and prioritize good communication skills.
Sometimes, one partner may be unaware of the conflict in the relationship. This scenario is often due to a lack of relationship communication. If you disagree with your partner, you must discuss your problem. Tell them how you feel and why you feel that way. Maybe they’ll understand your point of view and change their actions, or perhaps they can explain why they did what they did, which can help you reach an understanding.
However, you need to be respectful in how you communicate your feelings. Avoid attacking or insulting your partner, and don’t make assumptions. Similarly, you should set clear boundaries that ensure you don’t tolerate any disrespect.
2. Actively Listen to Your Partner
Many people tend to hear but not listen. We often make up our minds before the other person has spoken, and we view their turn to speak as a formality rather than trying to understand their feelings and perspectives.
You need to be an active listener to resolve relationship disputes. Listen to what your partner says, and try to understand why they feel or act as they do.
While listening to their words, you should also consider other things. Is there something that they’re not saying? Perhaps they’re avoiding mentioning a specific subject because it’s a sensitive topic for them or you. And what does their body language say? Up to 65% of our communication is non-verbal, so pay attention to your partner’s actions. Maybe they’re fidgeting because they’re nervous, or their face is red because they’re upset.
Give them a chance to say what’s on their chest without interruptions, and then respectfully respond.
3. Focus on the Problem, Not Your Partner
A common piece of relationship advice during arguments is that it should be you and your partner versus the problem, not versus each other. It may seem like a simple thing to remember, but when arguing, emotions often get intense, and it’s easy for things to get heated.
As hard as it may be, try focusing on the problem. A conversation can get out of hand by dredging up old issues or even insulting your partner. Focusing on the issue will help you get to the root of the problem — and thus the solution — much quicker than if you were to let things spiral.
If you and your partner constantly focus on the other person’s flaws rather than the problem, it might be helpful to look into counseling. An unbiased third party can help you mediate and stay focused.
4. Don’t Get Distracted
Properly solving a conflict takes time, but it’s worth it — especially once you consider that the alternative is solving the problem for now, only to have it pop up again later. It’s best to put in the hard work to resolve your argument. To do so, you need to focus entirely on the discussion with your partner.
If the disagreement starts while you’re out or busy with work, consider putting it on hold until you both have the time to sit down and work through things together.
We live in a world full of distractions, especially our phones and technologies. These distractions can slow down or harm the progress you make with your conflict resolution. Switch off your phone and the TV, and eliminate all other potential distractions so that you can give your partner the attention they deserve and vice versa.
5. Use “I” Statements
You can use “I” statements to avoid making your partner feel like you’re blaming them. Doing so shifts the focus from your partner’s actions to your feelings, which could make them feel more at ease and less defensive.
For example, instead of saying, “You always leave your dirty clothes on the floor!” you can say, “I feel like I spend a lot of time picking up the dirty laundry.” Taking this approach softens the impact and helps you effectively communicate your perspective without your partner feeling like you’re accusing them of something.
“I” statements align with other conflict resolution tactics, like communicating respectfully and focusing on the person rather than the problem.
Contact Taylor Counseling Group for Help With Conflict Resolution
At Taylor Counseling Group, we believe everyone should have access to counseling, so we pride ourselves on offering affordable options. Our couples counseling services can assist you and your partner in achieving healthy relationship conflict resolution.
If you feel like you’re struggling to deal with conflict due to deeper personal issues, individual counseling can help you, too.
If you’re in Texas and are interested in accessible, reliable care, schedule an appointment with Taylor Counseling Group today.
