People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder traits or narcissistic behavior will often use manipulation tactics to help them gain control over situations, people and groups. Over time, these manipulations can take a toll on your mental health and well-being, leaving you feeling isolated or confused. Recognizing narcissistic control tactics can help you identify manipulation and protect yourself.
The 7 Most Common Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics
While calling behaviors “narcissistic manipulation” can seem severe, many people are victims of narcissistic methods. Narcissists and people with narcissistic behavior patterns will show a pattern of emotional manipulation that seeks to isolate and control their victims. If you think someone is using manipulation methods on you or someone you know, being able to spot these strategies can help you set strong boundaries against them.
Let’s look at several common narcissistic manipulation tactics you might have encountered.
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting techniques are used by a narcissistic person to make you doubt your memories, thoughts, and understanding. Essentially, a narcissist will try to convince you that something didn’t happen or isn’t their fault, even if that’s not true.
Blaming the victim, twisting facts and denying events are all common ways gaslighting can occur. Over time, being gaslit enough can make the victim feel insecure, confused and like they can’t trust themselves or their world.
2. Playing the Victim
Playing the victim is another manipulation tactic. A narcissist plays the victim by positioning themselves as the one being wronged when, in reality, they are the one causing harm. They might exaggerate situations or fictionalize conflicts to gain sympathy.
Narcissists play the victim to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and manipulate other people into feeling sorry for them.
3. Projection
Projection happens when a narcissistic sibling, parent, or partner puts their own actions, feelings, or thoughts onto others. For example, if they are lying, they might accuse you of dishonesty. Accusing others of their own actions and feelings lets narcissists put blame on others.
This manipulation tactic also helps them avoid confronting their issues and blame their actions on someone else.
4. Love Bombing
Love bombing is a master manipulation tactic narcissists will use to reel in a romantic love interest. A narcissistic person will shower their partner or target with lots of affection — compliments, gifts, attention and special events to gain their trust and let their guard down.
Once the target is emotionally invested, the narcissist will begin using controlling tactics while relying on the initial love bombing phase to keep their victim tied to them.
5. Triangulation
Triangulation is a covert narcissism tactic that involves creating tension or conflicts between people and groups. This tension-creation lets the narcissist feel powerful, as they can manipulate and control their targets.
Typical triangulation strategies include playing people against each other, gossiping or spreading rumors to create conflict. Narcissists are attracted to the level of control over others that triangulation can provide.
6. Hoovering
Named after the vacuum brand, the hoovering tactic is used by narcissists to pull their victims back in after they’ve set boundaries or tried to leave the relationship.
Narcissists will make all the apologies and promises to change to get the victim back with them. They might even try to make the victim feel guilty or responsible for the issues the narcissist caused. This cycle keeps the victim stuck in the toxic relationship.
7. Smear Campaign
A smear campaign involves the narcissist spreading rumors or lies to harm someone’s reputation and isolate them from their support network. Portraying the victim in a negative light keeps them from getting the trustworthy emotional connections they need, giving the narcissist more control over them.
During this tactic, the narcissist might also resort to tactic #2 – lying or exaggerating to make them seem like an innocent victim.
Narcissists use smear campaigns to maintain control and keep their victims dependent on them, often using other emotional manipulation tactics like gaslighting techniques and playing the victim.
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How to Deal With Narcissistic Manipulation Attempts
Dealing with narcissistic manipulation tactics can be challenging. A narcissist might make you feel alone or guilty, even if you’ve done nothing wrong. However, there are strategies you can use to help protect yourself from these tactics and maintain your well-being despite the narcissist’s attempts. Use these strategies to help you deal with manipulation methods:
- Spot the manipulation: Knowing what you’re dealing with is the first step in stopping emotional abuse. Understanding narcissistic manipulation and how they work can help you identify when you’re being manipulated. If you know someone is trying to manipulate you, you can ground yourself and reassert your trust in your own perception of things.
- Set boundaries: Set clear boundaries with the narcissist and communicate with them assertively. You have to enforce your boundaries firmly. Otherwise, the narcissistic person will attempt to push them over time. Be firm in your refusal to engage in conversations or activities that make you uncomfortable.
- Limit contact: You might have to consider limiting or cutting contact with the narcissist. If their presence in your life becomes too toxic, overwhelming or manipulative, it’s OK to step away. Limiting contact can be setting boundaries about communication or removing yourself from their life completely. Put your mental health first and only engage with the narcissist if it fits within your boundaries.
- Trust yourself: If a situation feels manipulative or even just off, trust your gut and step away. Toxic relationships and narcissists rely on making you doubt yourself. Reaffirm your confidence and don’t let them pull you into their controlling tactics. Prioritize your well-being and pull back whenever a situation feels unhealthy to you.
- Seek support: Narcissists may try to use their tactics to isolate you, framing themselves as the only person you can trust. Try to surround yourself with a support network of friends, family, or therapists who understand narcissistic family dynamics. With a strong support network, you can keep the manipulation a safe distance away and regain your stability.
- Try professional help: If these behavior patterns are affecting your mental health, consider turning to a professional for help. Professionals who specialize in narcissistic abuse can provide strategies, advice and support to help you heal from your experiences.
Set Strong Boundaries With Support From Taylor Counseling Group
Spotting narcissistic manipulation tactics and setting boundaries against them can be challenging on your own. Build a strong support network with help from the professionals at Taylor Counseling Group.
Our experienced team will help you develop the skills and strategies you need to support your mental health and protect your well-being. If you’re dealing with silent treatment in relationships, covert narcissism, or need help recovering from narcissistic abuse, we’re here to help.
We offer locations across Texas — make an appointment with us for in-person or telehealth services today!
